“The Banana Ballad”

Lyrics

Please listen, dear friends, and I'll tell you
A piece of good news I just heard
Some very smart dudes have discovered great truth:
All humans are nothing but dirt!
They say that we're really just primates
Evolved from primordial stew
They lose me from there, but the import is clear
If the things that they're saying are true

So here is the gospel of this life:
This life is a short losing game!
You live while you eat, then you work, sleep and die
And return to the mud whence you came
For man is a glorified monkey
And the world is an oversized zoo
So the grave is the end of a game you can't win
Now does that sound like good news to you?

But wait, friends - it only gets better
For now we have nothing to lose!
Since we are all monkeys and life is a joke
We can live it however we choose
Which brings us to just one conclusion
That right always stands by the strong
For if one ape should steal from another ape,
What ape could possibly say that it's wrong?

So here is the gospel of this life:
There's nothing left for you to trust!
No need to despair, though - you don't have to care oh
You blob of brain tissue and dust
You're free now from every restriction
But of course all your neighbors are too
So if they take your stuff, you just weren't strong enough
Now does that sound like good news to you?

Now you may doubt all this great science
(If indeed that's what it is)
And, friends, if so, it won't please you to know
That they're teaching this stuff to your kids
They're teaching them that they are monkeys
Like you'd see in the zoo behind bars
And I have no doubt that, if we don't watch out
They'll become what we tell them they are

So throw out the gospel of this life!
Let's throw out the whole fantasy!
We did not come from primordial scum
There's a God Who made you and made me
And He made us to be something special
Not just globs of intelligent goo
He made us to be with Him eternally, and friends
There's some real good news for you